Fiona Beal Trial: Former Northampton teacher says she ‘can’t remember’ writing book confessing to Nicholas Billingham’s murder

A former Northampton primary school teacher accused of murdering her boyfriend has told a jury that she “can’t remember” penning either of the journals that “confessed” to the killing.

Fiona Beal, aged 49, of Moore Street, stands accused of murdering 42-year-old Nicholas Billingham in November 2021 and burying his body in their garden.

The former Eastfield Academy teacher was charged with Mr Billingham’s murder in March 2022 after she tried to take her life in a Cumbrian holiday lodge and police uncovered two journals that detailed carrying out a plan to kill someone.

While Beal admits to Mr Billingham’s unlawful killing, she denies murder due to loss of control and her state of mind at the time. Her defence barrister Andrew Wheeler KC claims that her relationship with Mr Billingham was “coercive” and left Beal “broken.”

Steven Perian KC, prosecuting, began his cross examination of the defendant at Northampton Crown Court today (May 10).

The following Apple Note discovered on Beal’s iPhone was read aloud to the court: “Confession. Final farewell. I am beginning this book to you on Saturday 12th February 2022. Its been 3 months and 12 days. I’m not a total monster. I know what I did.”

Beal was asked who this was addressed to. She said, “I don’t know specifically.”

“I would say it was just thoughts in my head,” she added.

Mr Perian asked Beal if - at the point of making that note - she knew what she did to Nicholas Billingham.

“I don’t remember writing this,” Beal replied.

Extracts were also read aloud from the two journals discovered at the lodge, where Beal was discovered by police after making an attempt on her life in March 2022.

One extract said: “If I break now I’ll be locked up, I won’t be free.”

Mr Perian asked Beal: “When you wrote that, did you know you would go to prison?”

Beal answered: “I don’t remember writing it. I don’t know if that’s how I would interpret that.”

Another extract read: “October 2021. He spat on me and threatened me during sex… I thought about leaving but the things he said and did fueled my dark side - I call her Tulip22, she’s reckless, fearless and efficient. Ruthless. I started plotting as Tulip22 after he’d gone to bed…. I got used to sleeping downstairs and waited for him to go to bed and then got high and let Tulip22 out. I knew I couldn’t let him get away with it.”

Mr Perian put to Beal: “At this stage, would you agree with me that one: that is a description of you wanting revenge?”

“No,” Beal replied.

“... and two: that was a description of you planning to kill your long term partner?”

“It is a description of what I wrote - no - I wouldn’t say… no,” Beal stumbled over her words.

Another extract from Beal’s journal was read aloud: “I had smoked all day. I had a bath. I left the water in. He had been pushing for sex. I encouraged the bath with the incentive of sex afterwards. While he was in the bath I kept the knife in my dressing gown pocket and then hid it in the drawer next to the bed. I brought a chisel, bin bag and cable ties up too. I got him to wear an eye mask. It was harder than I thought it would be. Hiding a body was bad. Moving a body is much more difficult than it looks on TV. I started to believe the cover story. Flashes interrupted. But in the dark times or just at random moments I would remember. Remember what I’ve done, what I am.”

Mr Perian asked the defendant: “That shows a degree of planning doesn’t it?”

Beal responded: “No, because it’s my writing, I don’t remember writing it. It was my writing months afterwards so I don’t know if it was me showing what I remembered or if it was what I was planning.”

Mr Perian questioned: “Why are you saying now this is not accurate?”

Beal answered: “I am not saying it’s not accurate, I am saying that the interpretation could be different.”

The court previously heard that, when Mr Billingham’s body was uncovered in the rear garden of the couple’s Moore Street home, his body had been wrapped in bin bags, secured with cable ties and there was an eye mask placed over his eyes - just as Beal mentioned in her journal.

“So this is accurate, isn’t it?” Mr Perian asked.

“I don’t know,” Beal said.

When questioned further about what Beal wrote in her journals, Beal told jurors: “I don’t remember writing it… um… the thing about the chisel, I don’t know if that was one hundred percent true.”

She added: “The majority of what I read is true. There’s some bits that don’t make sense.”

Mr Perian read aloud a further extract from Beal’s journal: “Still my actions haunt me. I sometimes have to catch myself and remember what I did and then remember my cover story - neither seem convincing!”

“I don’t remember writing that,” Beal repeated.

“What was the cover story?” Mr Perian asked.

“That he’d run off with another woman,” Beal said.

Another extract from Beal’s journal read: “Last weekend I spiralled out of control. I lost the drive, the momentum. I realised there is only one other option, which would see me locked up, prolonging my existence and there are no winners in that situation. There are no winners in most of the scenarios I have played out in my head.”

“What do you mean by no winners?” Mr Perian asked the defendant.

Beal replied: “I have no idea. I imagine there are no winners in the whole situation.”

“For example, thinking you have not got a defence?”

“No, I just mean there is never going to be a winner in the situation.”

The court heard that Beal had been diagnosed with depression during her third year of university and was prescribed antidepressants.

Mr Perian asked the defendant what she thought caused her mental health condition and she said she was “overwhelmed.”

Mr Perian told the defendant that although Beal had struggled with her mental health, she graduated from university, went on to have a career and became one of the “best teachers” in Eastfield Academy’s Year Six group.

“You could control your mental health then, couldn’t you,” the prosecution barrister asked.

“No, I went through some dark periods that were very difficult,” Beal said.

Beal had written in her journal that “people might blame the weed.” When she was asked if she could have been mentally affected by her cannabis smoking when she killed Mr Billingham, she answered, “possibly.”

More to follow as the trial continues.