Not that I’m one for telling you what to do, but this week’s column will be much more enjoyable if you read it – either out loud or in your own head – in the style of Sir David Attenborough. Begin.
Dawn breaks over the southernmost tip of Europe.
The haze from the Mediterranean meets the snowy peaks of the Taurus mountains while around a freshwater source, a unique species who have migrated south for the spring are beginning their fascinating ritual.
The Brits are abroad.
Some are recognisable by their process of marking out their territory.
Large towels displaying the Union Jack along with the logos of JLS and One Direction are unfurled in a statement of intent, warning others from Belgium, France – even Germany – to stand back.
These sun loungers are the property of the British holidaymaker now.
The tatty copy of Take A Break leaves no room for argument.
Don’t be fooled by their pasty appearance and overhanging stomachs.
These unique creatures are stealthy and, without any hesitation, they will pounce at an alarming speed at the moment the all-you-can-drink bar opens.
To the left, some of the young of the species.
Their first time on the migration without their parents, they can be identified by the bizarre collection of tattoos on their arms and legs they will regret when they are older.
Their war cries of “this pool ain’t gonna be peaceful much longer” and “I am soooooo drunk” before midday are met with grunts of disgust by the others who sit around the watering hole.
And back to your usual voice.
I’ve mentioned before my fascination with people-watching and last week was no exception when I went on my first ever package holiday.
What was even more fun was sun-watching.
I hope you enjoyed the snow back home!