J-P Wooding: Tooth Fairy’s mission to preserve innocence

The Tooth Fairy is still a regular visitor to the Wooding household
The Tooth Fairy is still a regular visitor to the Wooding household

One day the truth will come out in the Wooding household.

The veil of innocence shall be lifted from my children’s eyes.

For the time being, however, a figure shrouded in mystery still makes its presence known under my roof and, in particular, in my children’s bedrooms. The Tooth Fairy has work to do...

I can’t recall how old I was when I discovered the truth about the nocturnal antics of the tooth fairy; stealthy manoeuvres by my parents as they exchanged my milk teeth for the shiny 20p coin ensured I was none the wiser.

What I do know now is that I would sometimes rather plan a precise military operation than try to be the Tooth Fairy each time.

Currently my daughter seems to be helping her finances grow by “persuading” some of her gnashers if they are becoming slightly loose. Only this evening, much to her delight, we had an update that her only remaining upper central incisor had “gone blue.”

This means preparing myself once more for a mission to protect the innocent, hopefully with a smoother execution than last time.

So as to identify the location of the goods, we suggested that the tooth was placed securely in an old Kinder egg plastic container – great idea, surely?

Finding it is easy, yes, but extracting the tooth, swapping it for a £1 coin (one pound! I know, in my day etc etc) and replacing it under the pillow is not easy.

Turning the handle as slowly as I could, I opened her door just enough so that the landing light wouldn’t stream in.

Stage one was complete, I was in! With skills in the art of stealth that a ninja would be proud of I stepped towards my prize.

Disaster! A floorboard creaked as if it were auditioning for a role in a horror movie. As it did, the light-sleeping girl shot bolt upright in bed!

I had to think fast. She asked what I was doing. I suggested she use the bathroom; perhaps I was pushing my luck?

Fortunately she agreed and while she made her way across the landing I slipped my hand under the pillow, flicked open the yellow case and made the swap.

Success! The lumbering clot, sorry, Tooth Fairy, had achieved his goal once more.

The more serious point here is that if I had been discovered, a part of innocence would have gone forever.

It is a parent’s responsibility to maintain that precious shield; once it’s gone, it can never be reclaimed.

I know I’ll do all I can to keep it going until the day the innocence dies out, hopefully due to age and not because it has been taken away.

The man in the red outfit and white beard shall soon be with us; a child’s innocence is what keeps his laughter booming. Ho! Ho! Ho!