Helen Bach: Are Paul Hollywood’s eyes real?

Can they really be Paul Hollywood's eyes, wonders Helen
Can they really be Paul Hollywood's eyes, wonders Helen

Thank goodness for The Great British Bake Off.

With so much awfulness going on in the world right now, it’s lovely to have an hour where you can tune in to something that’s not going to depress you or tax you too much mentally.

We all watch it in our house – daughter particularly enjoys it. But then again, she likes most cookery programmes; this summer holiday has introduced her to the joys of Gino and Mel at lunchtime.

Actual quote from daughter – “Mum, did you know Mel’s older than you? But she only looks like she’s 30!”

But I digress, back to GBBO. I tend to sit and marvel at Mary Berry’s teeth and worry how they’ll stand up to some of the sturdier baked goods she has to taste test.

I gaze in admiration at her perfectly manicured nails, coiffured hair and immaculate outfits. Yes, when I grow up, I’d like to be Mary Berry.

I also wonder whether or not Paul Hollywood’s eyes are his own – I mean, obviously they’re his, he hasn’t borrowed or hired them for the day, but are they naturally that blue or does he wear contact lenses?

All this, while caring about whether or not the contestants’ cakes will rise, will they cope with the technical challenge and will their showstopper be just that, or more of a door-stopper?

I’ve already got my favourite bakers – my proverbial money is on Nancy. She’s from Lincolnshire, and us Midlanders tend to do well in these sort of competitions.

I also like Diana the WI lady, Richard the builder, and Kate from Brighton, who made a rather spectacular red velvet Swiss roll. But I think Nancy can do it. Anyone who makes a replica Jaffa Cake but first has to ask her husband to construct a fancy guillotine to ensure an even cut gets my vote.

Such care and precision, it reminds me of myself – I open boxes of Mr Kipling’s finest very carefully too...

Read more from Helen here.