Never has such a fuss been made about six chairs.
They could be any chairs. They were white with metal legs and each looked sturdy enough to house the bottom of a particularly nervous “it’s-a-singing-competition-not-a-reality-show” contestant.
For some reason, however, these chairs – the latest twist in this year’s series of the X Factor – have become the TV show’s most talked-about asset.
According to the Press they are the cruellest chairs in history, although I’m sure the throne of William the Conqueror or the gunge tank on Noel’s House Party must come close.
If you don’t know what the chairs are all about then they can be explained as follow – during the audition round of the X Factor, each judge instantly decided if they wanted to keep a contestant by making them sit on one of the aforementioned seats. If someone better came along later then the initially picked wannabe had to leave both their chair and dignity behind and stumble into the already-damp shoulder of Dermot O’Leary.
As you can imagine, the producers left the best contestants until after the chairs were already full, which meant we had no choice but to watch 16-year-old Chardonnay (names have been changed to protect the innocent) skulk away from “the most important thing that’s ever happened in my life”.
Well, since a new set of Pokémon came out anyway.
While my comments may sound facetious, I’d like to point out that I watched “Boot Camp” from start to finish.
And Judges Houses. And I will the live shows too. That genius bunch who produce the X Factor know exactly how to wind us up but still keep us watching.
Watching has made me a stronger person though – certainly more aware. I won’t sit down anywhere now just in case Louis Walsh is waiting to replace me with a much better columnist…